Schedule Changes and Blogging

I have not been able to keep up with my blog and this is why:

For the reader that wants quick and to the point reasons, read the bullet points. If you want a little more in depth reasons, then keep reading after the bullet points.

• My work schedule changed from March until this very moment and I am in between jobs and projects.

• My kids were not in school and that affected the free time I had.

• My kids are now in school at home (2), my oldest is working a full time job from home and my husband works from home and that affects the free time I have.

• I'm trying to figure out how to balance my life and include myself in the mix...I think I'm getting there...but it's slow and a bit frustrating.

(I want to say that it's not for lack of support, love, and encouragement that I've had difficulty in keeping up. My husband and kids have always encouraged me and been supportive)

When I first started this blog I was determined to write weekly. I had so much I wanted to say and projects I wanted to work on and show. But I forgot to take into account the personal struggle I would go through in wanting to move towards this new chapter in my life mixed with the responsibility I would feel towards my family and husband. Add in the effects of a worldwide virus, schedule and life changes for everyone in my life, and financial changes for family and friends and I was left overwhelmed and drained.

Back in March, after our cruise, we essentially came back to a different world. We all thought it would be a 2 week schedule change and things would go back to normal. But they didn't. My work closed down and we weren't sure when they would open again. This left me at home with a lot of free time. My kids were also out of school which then took up that free time. With everyone at home it seemed that I had to keep up with more meals, more cleaning, more activities to keep busy, and more worry about what was to come the following day or week. (And I know I was not alone in that - everyone was feeling some sort of pressure and frustration)

For a few short days I seemed to finally get the hang of it and had hopes that I could carve out time to work on projects and my blog...but then I got called back into work to help with revamping the place until they were able to open again. I was more than happy to help and very optimistic that I could do everything AND still have time for my projects. However the painting, cleaning, and organizing of everything at work left me pretty tired each day. And then I came home to kids that had been home all day and were going through their own issues due to schools being closed down and lack of everything being open.

My Senior in High School did not get prom or a graduation and was left feeling like he was aimlessly floating around in what should have been an exciting time for him. My 9th grader was going through her own emotional turmoil involving grades, uncertainty of her future classes and trying to understand what was happening. My 1st grader was very bored and confused about why things were the way they were and for how long things would be this way. Any my husband was feeling the pressure of trying to work as hard as he could because he was unsure about what may or may not happen in his work and how he would provide for our family.

There was a lot of tension, frustration, and fear. And my job as a mother and partner to my spouse now included more. It became a bit more selfless to the things I wanted and more to the things they needed. I was preoccupied with making the transition from the "Before" into the "Now" as seamless as I could and ease the frustration.

Before I go on, I want to state that I understand that I have needs too. I understand that taking care of me is important too. I understand that I'm my own person with my own goals and desires and dreams. But I also have a responsibility to my family and I have certain feelings about things in my life and duties I feel strongly about that not everyone is going to agree with. So since April up until this moment in my life I chose to reevaluate things and put some things front and center that normally wouldn't be and adjust other things and push them back until I can attend to them again.

And believe me, I did a lot of soul searching and cried a few times over where I fit in, who I was, and of what I was letting go. I grieved and went through my own little sadness that I was so close to starting this new venture in my life only to have it stopped. I prayed hard that I would not feel resentment, anger, and frustration over choosing to let go of this very important part of myself for what I felt was better for my family. And I know I'm not alone in this feeling. I know a lot of families have had to shift and change in order to make things work. So I guess one good thing is we can at least empathize with each other in that area.

So part of what has changed in my work and home life is that I am no longer able to balance working along with everything else I need to do for my family and work on design. Because of the situation with schools closing I chose to homeschool my youngest, which has been pretty amazing but takes up a good chunk of my time. My daughter is now in the 10th grade and chose to stay in public school but takes classes online at home. It's been easier with her since she can navigate her classes without help and can manage her own schedule. My oldest had a really hard time trying to enroll in Community College and had a lot of trouble trying to get a hold of admissions and have paperwork and test scores sent, resent, and sent again only to be told that he needed to start the process all over again. It frustrated him very much and after many discussion with myself and his dad he decided to find a full time job and try enrolling again for the Spring. He now works full time from home along with my husband. So far it's working out with everyone being at home. Although there does seem to be a lot more cooking and cleaning on my part because everyone is at home all day.

As for me, I am full time at home and trying to juggle homeschooling, running a household, and squeezing in design work when I can. I'm doing mini projects with color/paint consultations and getting myself as prepared as possible by taking courses here and there and practicing what I already know so that when the moment comes I'm ready to take on whatever comes my way. So for the time being, I guess I'm taking a break from my attempt to blog until a later time.

Until then I'm going to choose to stay positive and hopeful and maybe I'll be able to get back sooner than I thought!

- Diana