Design and Grief

In my last post (which was my very first post!) I went on about grief...a lot. I encouraged you to go to the Grief Recovery Method, watch the wonderful Rachelle Jones Advanced GRM specialist on YouTube, or read the actual book and get an understanding of what grief is. In a nutshell, grief is the normal and natural reaction to any loss. It is also the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior. Basically a mixture of emotions...so it's the feeling of being sad but also happy, confused but also excited, upset but relieved.

Grief is also more than just death and divorce. There are 40+ reasons for grief, including job loss, moving, a new baby, health problems, fertility problems, going away to college, and retirement. It can also be the feeling of losing who you are after having kids. It's wanting more than anything to stay home to raise your babies but having to work. Or being conflicted about wanting to go back to work because you feel stuck. It's also health and body issues, like my double mastectomy and 3 1/2 years of painful surgeries to make me look "normal".

Not only that...but did you know grief accumulates? Yes my friend...it builds. Layer upon layer of muck that does not go away. And ignoring it doesn't work either. I've tried that and the truth is you have to be willing to face it, grab it, and work at it. It's important you understand what grief is and that it is cumulative in order to make sense of the next few paragraphs. Because you're here for design. And at the end of the last post I wrote a p.s. that said grief relates to design.

It does.

And here it is:

Grief blocks us and doesn't allow us to live and enjoy life fully. It doesn't allow us to feel good about ourselves. It builds up and has us spewing emotions, words, and actions that are often disproportionate to the actual event and acting out at inappropriate times. Grief leads to anger, resentment, fear, energy loss, regret, disconnection from friends and family, substance abuse, blaming others, insecurities, low self esteem, and more. If grief does all this, then can we see how over the course of weeks, years, and decades it can create confusion within leaving us in a sort of foggy and jumbled state. And if that weren't enough...life still goes on. Recitals, Practices, grocery shopping, paying bills, vet visits, birthdays, holidays, Summer vacations, and jobs that require us to be so precise and planned with a formal and business like mentality..even when we are suffering....even in our pain...even when we wish it would just stop for a moment so that we could catch our breath. Add in all the grief we've ignored (Because who has time for feelings) and we've pushed ourselves so far back that we can forget who we are. And that, my dear friend, is heartbreaking because we are only allowed this one magical and beautiful life. To live trapped in grief is not what God wants for us or intended.

But we are not going to whine and cry, gripe and moan, or blame and shame. We are here to learn, grow, and get to the root of it all so that we can have an understanding that grief can affect all areas of our lives, including the way we design spaces in our homes. And though I know you came mainly for design, in a larger sense, my blog is about healing, hope, finding purpose, and the human spirit. It's about finally being unapologetic over how imperfectly human and real we all are and celebrating that. It's about finding inner joy and getting rid of toxic thoughts and behaviors. And as a result of healing, It's about finding your aesthetic and putting it into action with color, texture, patterns, style, and authenticity. And finally, It's about spaces that are conducive to creativity, inspiration, and an overall outward and joyful expression of who we are.

So how do we get there? Honestly, it's by making a choice at this very moment that you will do something to help yourself move forward so that you can get to a place where you can enjoy life. And don't fool yourself into thinking you need to find motivation first. Motivation is not the cause of your action, it is the byproduct of action. Read that again. There is a difference. If you believe motivation is the cause of your action then you are going to wait to be motivated before you do something. But if you realize it's the byproduct of your action then you'll start doing something. And guess what...motivation will come. So what action can you take? Especially if grief recovery is not your thing? Then find another way. Therapy, counseling, church, reading books, watching inspiring TED talks, exercising, volunteering, taking a class, just do something. Here, I'll even help with a list of books:

Make Your Bed - by Admiral William H. McRaven

Creative Calling - by Chase Jarvis

The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying - by Bronnie Ware

Wooden - by John Wooden

Positive Personality Profiles - by Robert A. Rohm, Ph.D

Mindset - by Carol Dweck, Ph.D

Leaders Eat Last - by Simon Sinek

Daring Greatly - by Brene Brown, Ph.D

12 Rules for Life - by Dr. Jordan Peterson

The Fred Factor - by Mark Sanborn

Outliers - by Malcolm Gladwell

Grit - By Angela Duckworth, Ph.D

Warning: you are about to read a loooong run on sentence. English teachers everywhere, I apologize for grammatical and spelling errors including my excessive use of commas.

The point of this is to learn about grief so that we can learn about ourselves so that we can learn to heal and be ok with who we are so that we can live in our most authentic way in the season of life we are in which includes creating a space that inspires us daily and keeps us connected to our core selves because our home is our outer inner..does that make sense? Your home should be a comfort to you. It's where the weight of the world is a bit lighter on your shoulders and a place that will evolve with you through the years.

Now we have come somewhat full circle on design and grief and the moral of the story is this: Take the time to be good to yourself by understanding and learning about yourself. Be kind to yourself by taking a moment to just feel and be in the moment. And choose to take action towards living a life of joy. On that note, I leave you for now and wish you a lovely day full of peace, love, and laughter.

-Diana

p.s. The next post will be on design. I am in the process of helping client "P" with her office. She is an incredible mother of two boys and needs a tiny office space. Here's the breakdown:

The Space: Two story, 3 bedroom,1446 sq ft.home

The challenge: Find a space in the home and create an office

The budget: $500

The timeline: as soon as possible

I will discuss the different options we came up with, the solution, and the reasons behind the choices me made.