Celebrating Your Season of Life

"Celebrate and enjoy the season you are in"

"Take a moment to enjoy the moment"

"Relax and learn to let things slide"

"Look on the bright side of things"

"Count your blessings and be grateful"

These statements, and many others like it, have been consistently said to me during different periods of my life. And many times I have been the one saying those words to others. Although it was always well meaning, I was often left feeling as though I was ungrateful or that there was something wrong with me. Why could I not just appreciate fully whatever "season" I was in and flip my switch from frustrated or upset or sad to grateful and joyful. I wonder how many people I made feel the same way. Here's the thing...At the same time I completely agree with those statements, I feel there should be a small asterisk with a qualifier. Like this:

"Celebrate and enjoy the season you are in"

*which will be easier if you have dealt with your grief.

"Look on the bright side of things"

*and understand you can be appreciative and sad at the same time.

"Count your blessings and be grateful"

*being grateful doesn't mean your pain is minimized.

Yesterday morning my six year old, and youngest of my three kids, decided to help me in my morning rush by making his own bowl of cereal. As I washed dishes I watched him pour cereal carefully into his bowl and then pour the milk. He looked so proud of himself and smiled at me. In that moment I felt so glad for him (and for me because he hadn't spilled a drop - yet). When he was done eating he grabbed the milk with both hands and did a sort of swing and turn with his body. It was only after the milk shot out and landed on the floor, fridge, counter, and stove, that he noticed he forgot to put the cap back on. I yelled out his name in frustration and his eyes swelled with tears.

That moment stood still and I suddenly felt anxiety, sadness, gratefulness, pride, sadness again, frustration, exhaustion, and then at peace.

Has that ever happened to you? Where there's a moment or incident and you feel a mixture of emotions? That, my friend, is called Grief. It is the normal and natural reaction to loss of any kind and the conflicting feeling caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior. It's something I learned about when I went through the Grief Recovery Method with the most wonderful specialist, Rachelle Jones, and attended a certification process to go in depth into the grief I had from a double mastectomy, several reconstructive surgeries, issues within my marriage, issues within myself, and many more painful moments in my life. (I will be writing about that, especially my surgeries, in future posts. Also Rachelle has a YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCatQDmMuELSvNbW84d2yUsw dedicated to grief recovery through https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/.com)

And let's be honest, on the great scale of grief, milk being spilled really falls in the minus category of painful moments. Because, aren't there more important things in life to be "sad" about? What about health problems, divorce, family problems, deployments, loss of jobs, and the list goes on and on. Yet, when we deny ourselves the moment to feel (even when it's small, like spilled milk) we push ourselves and force a lie that we are fine when, really, we're not. And years and years of "training" yourself to push your feelings aside can potentially create a habit that you fall back on during those really painful moments.

It takes 30 days to build a habit. Once you practice something over days and weeks and then months and years it becomes automatic to you. It becomes a part of who you are and what you fall back to because it's familiar and feels safe. What emotional habits are you nurturing that are harming instead of helping you? For myself, I had created many painful habits that served only to cause more pain in the relationships I had with others and the relationship I had with myself.

Ok...back to what happened with the milk. I felt all these emotions at once. Anxiety for the rushed feeling of having to hurry up and get ready before work and get my son ready for school. Sadness for my little one because he was crying and worried that I would be mad at him. Grateful that my other two kids were older and already in school so I didn't have to worry about them. Proud that my little boy had enjoyed his mini moment of glory and that it had stayed within him long enough that he felt the need to twirl (holding milk) with joy. Sadness again that I had yelled his name in a way that told him I was upset and that his moment was gone. Frustrated that I was feeling everything I was feeling and in a rush and now I needed to clean up the milk from the floor and the tears from his eyes. Exhausted because the thought of cleaning left me thinking about the giant baskets of laundry I still needed to wash, fold, and put away...and then...mercifully I felt at peace...because...it is what it is. The mess was cleaned in seconds and we moved on with our day.

AND I looked at the bright side. At least it wasn't the last peach-pineapple Kombucha in the fridge, which would have shattered if it fell, and then I would not have the opportunity to taste its deliciousness and have it quench my thirst because I or my child would be in the ER with a piece of glass wedged in our flesh.

Whew!!!

So let's go back for a second on grief and how this is all supposed to have a point. And I apologize for seemingly swinging back and forth. I tend to do that when I talk. I call it Boomeranging. It's where I start on topic, then wildly swing and fly way out to something else, then come shooting straight back to my point. Like a Boomerang! (Actually sometimes I never come back to my point so if that ever happens please let me know). Ok...where was I? Ah yes, I was at peace.

Why?

Because I took a moment to acknowledge my feelings and be okay with them. I gave myself permission to just feel and not judge myself for it. I allowed myself the freedom of experiencing that moment and then releasing it so that I did not carry it with me for the remainder of the day. Too often we allow a small moment (literally 2.74 seconds - I recreated the scene outside with water) to add stress in our day or consume us well into the night.

Why is that so important?

Because the last thing we need in life is to add more emotional baggage. I already have several semi-trucks packed tight with baggage. I don't want to add any more by practicing an unhelpful thought process and mindset. The correct tools can help in all areas of grief and give us the knowledge and strength we need when painful moments happen in our lives.

And when you have the tools to deal with grief, whether small or large, you are then able to:

"Celebrate and enjoy the season you are in"

"Take a moment to enjoy the moment"

"Relax and learn to let things slide"

"Look on the bright side of things"

"Count your blessings and be grateful"

So on that note I ask that you come along this journey with me. That together we create a new mindset where we will be kind to ourselves and gift ourselves with new habits that will help us in becoming the best versions of who we were meant to be in this world. And that with this new outlook we can create a life and home for ourselves and our families that allows us to fully enjoy the season we are in.

-Diana

p.s. This also relates to design. But that's the next post.